full circle

I have officially ended my stay in Seville and now am in Rotterdam. Saying goodbye to my friends, family, and the city that I've grown to love so much was really tough. The past two days probably have been the saddest EVER. I have never felt so sad to leave a place. It really felt like picking up my things and leaving a place that I've known all my life. The study abroad experience was beyond anything I could've imagined and even wished to be. Knowing that you're leaving behind this experience and will never ever have it again is one of the most depressing feelings ever. You are leaving an entire life behind. I will never be in Sevilla studying with the 60+ people in my program ever again. I have made a promise to fly to Seville again this summer so I will see my family again, but that was the toughest part about leaving Seville. Our last night, our family took us out to tapas and we had family time. We found out that the very next day after my roommate and I fly out, our families are receiving a new girl. Talk about replacement! However, I know we have a special place in their hearts, as they do in mine. As you may know by now, Isabel (the little one) has grown to be like my little sister. She pretty much ignored me or was very mean to mean the last two days of my stay in Seville. I asked her mom why and she said it was because these goodbyes are really tough on her. I can imagine. She has to say bye every semester to these girls who become her friends. Her way of coping with the situation was to stay distant. She was even mean to me and said that I was like a mother and always nagging her. But I know she loves me. How do I know? My roommate and I went out until 4 a.m. ( when we had to head to the airport to catch our 7 a.m. flight to Madrid) and said our goodbyes to our friends in the program and around Seville. When we got home we spent some more time with our family who stayed up so that they could bid us goodbye. Our little sister fell asleep on the sofa but woke up just in time to watch us leave. I sat in the living room with our senora and talked to her and gave her my present. It was a wallet where she could keep all her 50 million tarjetas, especially her el cortes ingles credit card, in one place. I noticed she had a buncha of plastic covers and a bunch of cards hanging around her purse. My roommate comes in and tells me to check my room. I had already moved everything out and didn't plan on going back in there. I went and saw a letter and a little present on my bed. The letter was from my little hermana. My roommate and I immediately balled our eyes out when we read our letters and saw our necklaces. Isa may nag us and say we're losers but she's the sweetest. She said I was her American mother and so many other things that made me smile but so sad at the same time. I'll leave my letter private but it was so sweet and I will always love her. She's a lot like me in the sense that it's easier for her to write things than to say. As my roommate and I got in the cab, our senora waved us goodbye from the apartment building entrance. She's so adorable. They told us we always have a home in Sevilla and that we will never be forgotten. I can't wait to see them again.

"You know you love me, I know you care
Just shout whenever, and I'll be there
You are my love, you are my heart
And we will never, ever, ever be apart"
baby- j beibs. (my hermana's favorite song that we have sung together so many times.)

Before I left Sevilla, there was something I had to do. If you remember my first night in Sevilla was a rocky one. I was stuck outside of my hostel and had no way of contacting anyone. I was scared and I was ready to run back home. I didn't think I would like Sevilla after that night. I was already done before I even started. Luckily, I stuck it out and the past 5 months have been the 5 best months of my life. I knew before I left Sevilla I needed some closure. I wanted to go back from where I started. I found the brochure from my hostel the first night in Sevilla and went on a walk to look for it. The hostel was not close to my program study center or my homestay but I know the area. I has to ask a few people for directions because this area was not somewhere I'd gone during my 5-month stay here. As soon as I crept around the corner I immediately recognized the plaza. The plaza that had caused me so much anxiety but had reaffirmed my belief in good people. I recognized the shops and the exact plaza in which I stood alone at 1ish in the morning by myself with a buncha suitcases and my printed booking confirmation. There were so many people around and it was so lively. Though this was during the day time I remembered everything. Every detail. Like where I stood when the group that helped me approached me and asked me if I needed help. Where I ran to the pay phone but realized I had no change in my pocket and then realized my American phone was dead. Where I just stood and cried my eyes out and let snot run down my face because I felt absolutely helpless. And finally where I banged for 40 minutes on that stupid metal black door that stood between me and a warm bed. I saw the hostel and watched some people walk in and out of it. I also watched taxis and cars drive down that narrow steet where my asshole taxi driver dropped me off and didn't give a care in the world if I was safe or not. When I first walked up to this area everything I felt that night came rushing in. My hands were sweaty and clammy and my legs felt weak, but when I finally saw the hostel and was able to walk my way back to the center I felt complete. I had just navigated my way around and felt secure. How much has changed in 5 months. There are still many areas in Sevilla that I don't know and will never know but this city is my home. You can drop me off anywhere and I know I'll be able to find my way. I started my journey on this narrow street on a cold, scary night and ended it on a hot and humid night surrounded with the people I've come to love so much at my apartment. This was the perfect way to end my study abroad experience in Sevilla. Everything has come full circle and I am ready to begin another. My journey abroad is still not over. I will be in Holland for the summer and I still have lots to explore. Thank you so much for following me so far with my journey in Spain. It's been an incredible ride and I can't wait to have some more stories to share from the Netherlands.

Hasta luego Sevilla and Espana. Don't you worry. I'll be back but for now it's 'Hello Nederland"